notes,scribbles,bubbles,visions,hallucinations and what have you

Friday, January 30, 2004

hmmmmm.....two months more to go before its a wrap at the asian college of journalism. im looking forward to being a journo and changing the world and making it a better place to live.
i need a job at a big media house and fat pay packet to buy shiny car with sony cd system and mag wheels.
big house with gadgets and gizmos to attract pretty girl with big bosom and small mind to take to office parties and other such high society shindigs.
buy myself membership to classy club, have children with no runny noses and high IQ
.... able to recite nursery rhymes and recall tunes of latest tv commercials
i shall raise money for poor at fashion show related charity drives and have cocktail conversations about farmers dying due to bad policy making at the WTO and how the US is to blame for my flagging libido and my wife's roving eye.
and how im constantly pondering as to whether my middle is bigger than my mid life crisis.
have sex with young 20 something intern who subscribes to the power being the biggest aphrodisiac theory and send secret smiles to my colleagues while thinking about the romp.
kevin spacey in 'american beauty' ah huh.
retire as editor of newspaper completely convinced that all of my journalism career was worth that one article wrote about kid with hole in heart and how generously the public responded and my expose' on the corrupt municipal authorities.
life has been exciting has it not................
geez i could now sell my story to Warner Bros.
whats that? my heart feels like its on fire......
clogged artery sending cruel death message to God.
life flashes back in a few seconds.............
in the cold face of death the only thing i can think of is the joints smoked with buddies while staring at stars on nights with clear skies............
hmmmmmmm....................
phuq im late for my business reporting class........
that explains why i got that C.
NEVERMIND.................

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Tuesday, January 27, 2004

writer's block or the procrastinator's poor excuse for not blogging. i shall not fall into that trap. writer's block or the constipation for words.not for me.....even if the last drop of creativity is drained out of me and the words string together like crooked teeth.

i miss running. running till my lungs burned and gasped for breath and run some more till i would cross the pain border and enter the zone where i cant feel a thing.......
............aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.................
the buzz of an impossible moment
thoughts cease and the 'things to do' post-it embedded in my brains burns to a cinder leaving no afterthought smoke.

i miss dancing and hearing beats pound into my mind like a sledgehammer. my body gyrating to a motion with no meaning.
rhythm fuelled by serenity flowing like liquid steel and settling into every pore.
body and mind become one.
space and time collide and then collapse.
no thought.

zen.nirvana.nevermind.moksh.sweatbeads.rapture.headrush.lovebuzz.

..............the rhapsody of an impossible moment.............
everything in the here and the now.
the past not remembered.
the future not arrived.

a genuine smile.
mom's warm hands on my feverish forhead.
summer holidays.

freedom found in a kulfi bought from the money not spent on a bus ticket.

shooting stars
supernovas
divas and devils
comic book heroes
juicy candy bars
pink hair-do's
chocolate filled cavities.

baby sleep.
free fall.......heaven become.

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Sunday, January 25, 2004

its sunday and im definitely not singing
" well im easy , easy like sunday morning .....eayeahhhhhhhh"
coz im in college trying to finish my arts and culture assignment and im as clueless as to where to start as the rest of the class is about what saddy menon does for a living

im in college thinking that im going to finish that assignment and also write another piece on my visit to wsf......seems like neither is going to work i would be a lot happy if i even started either............

oh...........do i move out or do i not ......ive gotten used to jains and the smell of rahul's farts and ramblings in the middle of the night.......last night he kept muttering......."im sick....im sick" ............possible side affects from all the pills he keeps popping perhaps............
hes also used to my moaning and groaning and snoring.

geez if i move it will be to a house near the beach and living with two women........
that i will never be able to do again i can already picture myself..............jogging every morning by the beach and taking walks as i watch the sunset...........
i need love....... and i also need to mail that girl i met at the wsf...........i bumped into her three times
like in the 'celestine prophecies' there is no such thing as a coincidence.................
whatever................

the smell of her shampoo....fresh flowers ......on an other wise gloomy day...

k......more in the morrow



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Saturday, January 24, 2004

aah, its time to log in my blog,especially since every self respecting , creative wanna be writer with an imagination has one.

Rule no:1 if one wants to be a writer ..........write ..........

Rule no:2 if one does not have a single piece of work published.............write everyday.

ok......... that brings me to
Resolution no:1 for the new year(new year what? same shit different year)..........write.
Resolution no:2....write everyday............

i wrote a haiku or something like it, which came upon me suddenly like a cop who stops you on the day you are not carrying your license......
ok here goes.....

In the winter of my discontent and depression I seek my lover's warm chest.

tell me ....tell me .........do I have talent.........will I be famous or will I die
shrivelled and wrinkled to be folded and discarded like an old newspaper.

i just met Arundhati Roy at the World Social Forum, phuq if she can make it so can I............. SO CAN I.....

ok phuqqit...........

I was reading Nietzsche on the train back, a long 24 hour journey.
Thus spoke Zarathustra........."Man must be overcome and we must all strive be supermen".............I'm working on that bit ...............i got myself the mandatory red overwear(underwear.......whatever the phuq it is man) I shall soon claim victory over my baser emotions of jealousy, lust, anger, revenge and all the other trashy emotions which make up the obituary party of self-defeat and self-destruction.

I shall reign supreme (superman , supreme.....it's all good folks) and my potential shall explode less chlolestrol more exercise, less tension more serenity, less failure more scoring with big breasted young things....whatever I shall be self actualised and then turn into pure energy and meet with my maker.................geeeeeeez are you still reading my refuse......

more in the morrow..........

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